Absense Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

I've been absent.

I'm not only talking about from social media and this blog. I've been absent from myself, trying to fit myself into a mold that wasn't meant for me. Into a life that's a little too tight around the collar.

I'm a stubborn person. I think most people kind of are. So when that little voice deep inside started telling me I was traveling down the wrong life-path so many years ago, I ignored it at first. After a while, I started listening, but by that point I'd invested so much in this new path that I wasn't about to change course without seeing it through. So what if the destination wasn't something I truly wanted?

I knew I was going the wrong way and keep trekking onward.

See? Stubborn.

The first step back to "me" was taken almost two years ago. I'd decided to finally write a book -- finally achieve one of my "someday" goals. I needed to do something for myself, because it had become painfully clear that I wasn't me anymore. Gathering Water is a story about a girl discovering herself, and writing it was a desperate attempt to find myself again, after so long.

It didn't work overnight. I didn't wake up one day, look around, and see my life exactly how I wanted it to look. In fact, it's still not that way. My life is... chaos. It's harder than it's ever been. Grownupping is agonizingly difficult sometimes (can I get an Amen?). But finally, I feel like I'm traveling the right way. Writing my first book started that journey, and it's one I'm still on and will be on for a while. Like I said, I've known I was on the wrong path for a while. But I'm finally doing something about it.

Part of this whole "doing something" that I'm talking about is jumping in. Jumping into my career and having a rewarding life. Jumping into becoming a "real girl" that my daughters can look up to instead of a puppet-person dreaming of a blue fairy coming to rescue them.

I'll be my own Blue Fairy, thank you very much.

The point of this post? I'm not sure, other than to let you know you'll be seeing a lot more of me from now on. No more half assing in my life. We'll call it my #UtopiaConResolution, which you know about if you're one of the amazing people who were in Nashville for this incredible con this June. Basically, this year I'm trying, and I thought that you should know. ;)